stop & ponder.

2012-01-02T13:30:00.000+08:00

Don't run away
And it's hard to love again
When the only way its been
When the only love you know, just walked away
If it's something that you want, darling you don't have to run
You dont have to go

Just stay with me
Baby stay with me

& you're precious to me too.

2011-11-02T16:50:00.001+08:00

My last day of civilian life like what they say, is exceptionally sian. I can feel all the mixed feelings crushing down on me. A large part of it comes from her. Can say that a simple take care message from her crumbled me down pretty badly, however not in a bad way. I guess it's in an enlightening way. Because I realised that I still do love her. In fact I still love every one of my exes. Just that that love is a different kind, a non romantic, a wish you all the best that I can never give you love.

Would like to elaborate more on the current status, I care so much for her and likewise she does too. It's just that whatever good that can happen has already happened and it has come to a closure. you just wish things between us can be as good as it can be right now. And show concern for each other is the best way. Perhaps like I felt for my first love, I will always love pinxian for as long as I can.

Life right now is actually quite depressing but I can say I'm doing quite well, coping with the lemons life is giving me.

Army pls be good to me!

2011-10-22T02:13:00.001+08:00

“I’m so mad at you. I’m really mad at you for what you did. But I’m mad at myself too. Because I should not have jumped out of that car - I should have fought for you. Because you fight for your soul mates.”

2011-10-22T01:49:00.002+08:00

if getting over you means that you'll live your life happier, im gonna do it.

2011-10-22T01:49:00.001+08:00

Cal: I'm so mad at you. I'm really mad at you for what you did. But I'm mad at myself too. Because I should not have jumped out of that car - I should have fought for you. Because you fight for your soul mates.

Emily: I miss you.

Stupid crazy love

2011-09-29T02:19:00.001+08:00

I cried today, memories of you flooded my mind. I couldnt take it, I broke down. I questioned myself, would you come back. I knew the answer but i couldn't accept it. My heart is bleeding, I wish I was stronger. I have grown to love carefully and trust less. Life still goes on but everyday I feel as if a part of me is dead and devouring my mind slowly. And funny thing is I'm growing numb to it. I blame myself, I wallow in self pity. I can't help it cos I really despise myself so much. Worst time of my life.

Sparks

2011-09-27T18:54:00.001+08:00

Feeling especially lonely and sad today. Feeling so meaningless. I'm just going to lie on the bed the whole day.

:(

2011-09-24T04:18:00.001+08:00

Feeling horrible, why nobody loves me

Lousy love life

2011-09-20T23:48:00.001+08:00

Loneliness kills. Just did a summary of my love life, one word describes it all. Short-lived. I'm so ready to commit and have a relationship. But life have other plans for me. God, I sound too desperate. -_______-

:/

2011-09-17T22:59:00.001+08:00

I feel the walls that I try so hard to fortify crumbling down.

Loneliness

2011-09-17T06:05:00.001+08:00

Loneliness isn't intidimating, just need some time getting used to. I want to understand myself better and love myself more before I take on any responsibility to love others. Because in the end, we only have ourselves to depend on.

Benjamin Button: Our lives are defined by opportunities, even the ones we miss.

Mrs. Maple: [at piano] It's not about how well you play, it's how you feel about what you play.

GONG GONG!

2011-09-16T21:20:00.001+08:00

Gong gong craving T.T so delicious omgggggg

Batam

2011-09-13T22:51:00.001+08:00

Batam was good experience! First time travelling abroad with Jennifer! Haha. I need more of those massages!

Happy?

2011-09-13T04:38:00.001+08:00

Awesome! I'm blogging with my iPhone. Learning to live life happily on my own. I realised that I'm too immature for love. I don't know how to love myself. I must learn to love myself, be happy for myself. I can't live for anyone else anymore. thoughts of you do haunt me sometimes, It makes me miserable and lonely. I must be happy that I'm doing pretty fine now. Although sometimes I do feel that I have no life lol. I must be independent!

2011-09-02T13:49:00.000+08:00

BE STRONG, BOY

2011-08-24T00:48:00.002+08:00

Make my teeth clench
And my hands shake
Do you ever see
What you do to me?

You're wearing me out
Just wearing me out
But I'm wearing you down

You're impossible
Lovely
So impossible
To win or please

I'm wearing you out
Just wearing you out
But I'm wearing you down

Take what you want from me
It means nothing now
Take everything from me
It means nothing now

Not so easy to forgive
Harder to forget
Take what you want

I make your lips red
And your moans quake
Try to think through
What I can do to you

It's wearing you thin
Can I begin
To wear you out
Wear you out

Take what you want from me
It means nothing now
Take everything from me
It means nothing now

Not so easy to forgive
Harder to forget
Take what you want

I'm impossible
To figure out
So impossible
You've had your doubts

Take what you want from me
It means nothing now
Take everything honey
It means nothing now

Not so easy to forgive
Harder to forget

Take what you want from me
It means nothing now
Take everything honey
It means nothing now

Not so easy to forgive
Harder to forget
Take what you want from me
Take what you want from me

"Love is a chemistry, a friction. We need to fight it out in a good way, not with threats of leaving, but to, in love, find an understanding." -Wikipedia

This song is very honest in how it shows how challenging relationships can be. Having an honest, close relationship with someone can be one of the most encouraging, rewarding things you ever do. But it can also be one of the most difficult and frustrating. There's a duality here, a ying and yang, a high and a low. "You're impossible to love or leave" means it's hard to love you, but it'd be impossible to leave you too because he does love (her). "Not so easy to forgive, harder to forget" means that its hard to patch things up and work it out, but it would be even harder to break up and forget (her). People are hard to understand to, and that's frustrating "You're impossible to figure out".

What's honest about this song, is that he flips it and then admits that he too, is "Impossible". "I'm impossible to figure out", "I make your lips red and your bones quake". He's causing her some pain and frustration too.

"You're wearing me out, but I'm wearing you down." could mean a couple things. Perhaps he is losing patience with her, but he is wearing her down with his love and patience. Or perhaps she is equally being worn down by his qualities which can be hard to deal with.

2011-08-23T00:42:00.001+08:00

2011-08-21T22:23:00.002+08:00

God, save me. I dont know what's good for myself anymore

2011-08-21T22:23:00.001+08:00

“Being with you is like dancing in the summer rain. It’s like sleeping in my own bed after I’ve been away for too long. It’s like miles of highway stretching out before me, with no other cars in view. It’s like running through sprinklers on a scorching day. It’s like receiving a letter I’ve waited so long for. It’s like finishing a five thousand-piece puzzle. Life’s not perfect, but when you’re with me, it’s pretty damn close.”

2011-07-17T23:24:00.002+08:00

okay, im gonna do some thinking. the situation now can only lead to two scenarios,
1. we stay together and work things out
2. we break up officially

scenario 1 would be one with huge risks and uncertainties, she knows she stopped loving me since a while back. so if she chooses scenario 1, she is willing to give it another shot, to be with me and rekindle lost love. it has a chance of failing, meaning we might get hurt again. if it works, then it works! to be honest, im not very confident with scenario 1. after all that we have been through, especially during the first 2 months, it has already happened before because we progressed too quickly(?) she wasnt sure of her feelings for me. love vs. like. and the current situation is that we are struggling to be cohesive as one, even though we enjoy each other's company and TLC. i love her and i always show it. another thing i also always show is displeasure when she is unwilling to let me into her mind. so this route is gonna be hard for her and harder for me. i will need a huge ball sac of patience and confidence to win my woman's heart again. this is definitely one of life's biggest challenge put in front of me. if i win, i win her + stronger love. if i lose, i lose everything including a part of myself. however the pain from scenario 1 will be about the same as now though, knowing i did give my all and have no regrets for the relationship has reaches its utmost potential.

scenario 2 will be shorter and "sweeter". in her mind she is sure that she has given her best and she is positive that this relationship can no longer go any further. she is willing to let me go. as for me, its gonna fucking hard to swallow it down, however a slight condolence is that she thought hard about her decision, thats all :/ then i will be incredibly dejected, for this is the first time i tried to do everything right in a relationship (90% as compared to the previous relationships) and yet failed to keep the girl i love long enough for the relationship to mature and blossom.

right now, while i am still thinking clear in my head, although scenario 2 sounds more advantageous towards me, i CANNOT live my life ending this relationship just like that. i just cant, i hate it when the thing i adore is being taken away from me and im not given a 2nd chance to win it back. (i sound as if winning back is so easy and im full of confidence :/)

i guess its true that they say love covers.

2011-07-17T20:00:00.001+08:00

i learnt the hard way of realising how much she means to me

2011-07-12T12:18:00.003+08:00

Talking to her is so frustrating sometimes, because it feels like I'm dating a block of wood. She doesn't confide in me, oh yeah im fine im okay, fuck obviously youre not. If not why would i ask right. Hiding things from me, youre supposed to feel safe telling me things like youre fuckkng bestfriend, bitch. and shes always the boring one in the conversation. I can't take it anymore. Sometimes it drains my energy just to be on the phone with her. I sincerely regretted changing my twitter display photo. Ugh! I dare to say that she can converse better with her friend than with me, we just have no common topic to talk about! This is getting worse, sonetimes I tried I to liven it up by saying something sweet. But noo, it's just a block of wood remember? I can't take it anymore. I have come to a decision, from now I won't be initiating any phone calls to her anymore because that would be a terrible idea, making it even more unbearable for me. Sometimes I wonder if she's right for me.

2011-06-28T01:37:00.003+08:00

Next time you do the planning and every single details. I'm not going to care about everything anything anymore. I'm not going to worry about this and that and eat what and where watch what and where. All youre gonna get is you decide lor
I don't know leh we see how first? GET A FUCKING TASTE OF YOUR OWN MEDICINE.

2011-06-28T01:27:00.002+08:00

Okay, so you come back from school. You wash up and do your stuff, watch your drama. I called you and like after 15 mins you're already tired and you wanna sleep. So let's say if I don't call you, you won't even want to call me and talk uh! And this is not even the first time.

Fucking ridiculous, I can't believe this bullshit. IM NEVER CALLING YOU AGAIN. FUCKED UP AS HELL. Fucking treating me as what. I don't deserve this I'm telling you. I don't even feel like calling you and talking to you anymore.

Alright fuck all those see how first nonsense. Im not going to care so much already, so fucking unappreciative.

2011-06-21T18:05:00.002+08:00

this song has a very powerful energy from its riffs which grants me the strength to fight against the resistance that i've been facing lately. ;)

2011-06-21T17:17:00.001+08:00

2011-06-20T23:08:00.003+08:00

it has been a rollercoaster ride relationship with you. so much highs and way too much lows. i dont know what is going on anymore. its like we are trying to be together even though we are obviously not meant to be. and we trying too hard, that im feeling tired alr.

I DONT KNOW! OKAY! I JUST DONT KNOW. I AM EXPECTING TOO MUCH FROM THIS RELATIONSHIP, maybe? things are good, but they are not good in my perspective? is it something like this? am i asking too much, you dont seem very in love with me to whisper sweet nothings to me which apparently i have a good weakness for. i just dont know anything anymore im in a mess or rather im actually the big mess all along

2011-06-20T23:07:00.001+08:00

I hold you
Warmly in my arms
Listening to the rain which beats
On the windows
I have lost
The power of solitude
The invincibility of a heartless man
Now i'm scared
Because of you
I am weak as if in a dream
Of the softness (gentleness) of my future
With you.
I hold you
Warmly
It's better, isn't it?
And outdoors it's cold
Why do you leave?

2011-06-03T00:13:00.004+08:00

i dont know what to do anymore. what do you mean by you're not truly happy?

some time when you say things, i wonder if you had put my feelings into consideration, cos in my opinion your words are just fucking selfish? i dont wish to know already, and sometimes i dont even want to bother anymore.

if you're not happy then jolly well let me know straight in the face so maybe i can fuck off and take my business elsewhere to others who appreciate and reciprocate my affection. sometimes i really think that this thing we have is all about you, like how happy/stressed up you are, we'll have to make it up for it. when is it about me, about how i feel and how i want things to happen without asking for your opinion. you're seriously so fucked up. i dont know what to say about you anymore.

one day, courage to withstand the pain will come.

i've been numb for too long, to all these, as though there's some housefly flying around me and i wont even bother to do anything, just doing my own shiat.

2011-05-19T22:58:00.002+08:00

I know, I'm not alone. I'm not the only who is broken. And I know I'll never let you go. I could watch the world pass by, just as long as it's you and I, you and I.

2011-05-19T22:37:00.000+08:00

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. pathetic. you're pathetic.

2011-05-14T01:06:00.002+08:00

To: px

All I ever wanted is to be happy with you, I don't care if we are dating or in a relationship. I know you're happy and we're happy together, and that's all that matters. Things that you said, things that I have done, they don't matter no more. I hate complications. I just want all these to be simple and clear cut. Im in a complete mess right now. I don't even know what is right and what is wrong. I have absolutely no idea what I'm blabbering about. I just know I don't want to live in the shadow anymore.

Im sure.

2011-05-11T22:45:00.002+08:00

its sad to live with no confidence, no self esteem, no ambition.

its sad for a love to be lack in trust, lack in assurance, lack in sweet nothings.

somehow being in a r/s seems so tiring for me. some days i feel happy to have you with me, and some days i feel so difficult to communicate with you. yes i find it really difficult to communicate with you. its not like we quarrel all the time or what, i feel that you're not letting me into your thoughts. and im scared to share my thoughts with you because of that.

perhaps both of us need time to sort it out but we dont want to lose each other and we get caught in this struggle to find out what we can do for each other. i feel really awkward when there's silence in our conversation and when i dont know what to type in a text conversation.

all i hope is that our r/s will improve and you will accept me as your other half. really miss those times when we had nothing to worry about.

fucking moodswings.

2011-05-07T02:27:00.002+08:00

so now, P wants me. she wants me by her side. honestly, i believe this r/s is worth it. taking all the risk of getting hurt for the rewards of being loved.

2011-05-04T19:03:00.001+08:00

heartbroken.
I wish I'm dead right now, the truth hurts so bad.
God, please do something to save me from this agony. I'm lost and in pain.

The Fear

2011-05-04T02:14:00.000+08:00

I'm scared. my heart is full of bruises and scars. it can't take any more abuses. the vulnerability is telling me to do something to protect myself. but you have broken into the ground that I tried years to protect, this is my heart accepting you but it's my brain warning me. affairs of the heart please spare me. I'm not good for this.

?

2011-05-03T08:05:00.000+08:00

it feels different, is it me or is there really a problem between us? you don't have to say it out to feel it. this is really depressing.

2011-05-03T02:32:00.000+08:00

2011-05-03T02:31:00.000+08:00

it feels different, is it me or is there really a problem between us? you don't have to say it out to feel it. this is really depressing. (dated 2nd may at around 1130pm)

2011-05-03T02:27:00.001+08:00

Stupid blogger app ate my posts, screwed the time of the posts too. I need to cry my heart out now, while I'm feeling weak. I don't want to feel like a loser when the sun is up. I need a cry, c'mon! Hello eyes, please be obedient and start now

2011-05-03T02:26:00.000+08:00

I want to disappear from the surface of the earth right now

P.

2011-05-02T20:16:00.000+08:00

I'm scared, really scared. it feels as though my nightmare is coming back to haunt me. The way you told me you're feeling now makes me scared, because I thought I was doing a good job being a better boyfriend. I just feel like I'm a loser again. I really hope things dont change or rather your feelings dont fade. this is really depressing.

P.

2011-05-01T11:38:00.000+08:00

what the fuck.

Loving you

2011-04-30T08:25:00.000+08:00

watched death bell: bloody camp with p! haha totally digging it when we watch horror movies tgt. can't wait to
see you again :B

2011-04-24T03:50:00.003+08:00

I'm sorry. I intruded your pirvacy. I didn't mean to read your blog without your permission, I just felt really insecure. My insecurity was devouring me. I'm really very apologetic, I can't seem to stop blaming myself, I felt like I just betrayed your trust. I couldn't control my insecurity, I kept feeling that im just a rebound to you. I don't want to be like Adam when Steffi ditched him for her ex. I dont want history to repeat itself like how she left me for someone else. I'm so sorry, I really am a loser like you said. If there's a chance for you to see this, I'm sorry please forgive me.

Im starting to fall in love with you and there's no turning back for me. Im being a selfish bastard, I only thought of my own feelings. I just don't want to lose you and furthermore I don't want to lose you because of my insecurity. Am I your rebound? Do you still want your ex back? Do you still have feelings for him? What if he wants you back one day, will you follow him?

This sickening inferiority, fear and insecurity is eating me. I tried to be more confident in myself and have confidence in you. I really tried, I'm sorry I failed this time. I really want to last with you and I don't want to lose you.

Shut up already Alex, control yourself. Stop yourself from tearing.

2011-03-29T01:56:00.001+08:00

there's a lot of things i wish to have:
a prettier watch,
a working, lagless computer,
a nice leather wallet,

(to be continued)

2011-03-29T01:53:00.002+08:00

i know nothing lasts forever, but i hope you stay in my life for as long as you can.

2011-03-15T02:47:00.003+08:00

My insecurities are eating me alive.
You cause my walls to crumble down, exposing my fragile self.
I feel so vulnerable now :(

2011-03-12T01:23:00.002+08:00

I hate it that I'm always so pessimistic, always lack of confidence. I need to be more like Leo.
I can't read your mind, p. :( I miss you already Ughhhh. But I hate myself at how lousy a lover, a bro I am. Im so scared of getting into a relationship cos Im really afraid I become the old me again. I hate the old me, I don't want to lose my brothers again, i don't want to be possessive and be lack of discipline and not know my limits. Im so scared of the future. I don't want to get off the track again. I wanna love and be loved and know how to love and not do anymore stupid things.

Somebody, assure me I'll be just fine please.
It just sucks to be insecure like a damned pussy boy

2011-03-03T03:46:00.003+08:00

Haiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, it'll be good if a sigh can lighten the burdens by the slightest bit.
Hope the coming days have something good in store.

And you wonder if you're wrong all these while,
With a sense of lost direction and a leap of lost faith.

2011-02-13T06:30:00.001+08:00

sometimes, i really wish i get enlisted right now.

2011-02-05T00:38:00.001+08:00

500 days of summer

2011-01-30T00:50:00.002+08:00

this song brings back so much bittersweet memories.

dont know if i can ever find someone who can give me the feeling i had when i was with you.

all the best, australia :')

2011-01-22T16:31:00.002+08:00

If you're still alive
My regrets are few
If my life is mine
What shouldn't I do?
I get wherever I'm going
I get whatever I need
While my blood's still flowing
And my heart still beats
Beating like a hammer

2011-01-18T12:22:00.001+08:00

The Twelves is the sex.

2011-01-16T17:55:00.000+08:00

What if I can't forget you?

I'll burn your name into my throat.

I'll be the fire that'll catch you.

What's so good about picking up the pieces?

None of the colors ever light up anymore in this hole.

2011-01-08T02:25:00.000+08:00

fucking sick.

& TP wants to kill me

2011-01-04T03:23:00.000+08:00

2011-01-04T03:06:00.001+08:00

please, remember only the best
and leave out all the rest.

2011-01-03T00:11:00.002+08:00

I learnt to be happy today.
Hehe :D

Mandy, you're damn impossible!

2011-01-02T17:24:00.000+08:00

2011-01-02T05:29:00.002+08:00

2011-01-02T05:11:00.001+08:00

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH hungryyyyyyyyyyyyyy

craving for japanese food and CURRY!

2011-01-02T04:24:00.002+08:00

title says it all.

and, facebook is really pissing me off.

i kill you.

2011-01-01T17:39:00.003+08:00

eh, i'm finding Bruno Mars really annoying.

please la, stop playing his songs already.

i don't want to hate him because i already don't quite like him.

2011-01-01T16:36:00.002+08:00

Did you hear the joke about the butter?

Well I butter not tell you, you might...spread it.

Did you hear the joke about the pizza?
Well I probably shouldn’t tell you, it’s kinda...cheesy.
Did you hear the joke about the corn?
Well I don’t know if I should tell you, it’s kinda...corny.

Did you hear the joke about my penis?
Nvm, I won’t tell you...It’s too long.

HEH HEH HEH HEH!

2011-01-01T05:59:00.003+08:00

I am happy, what is happy?

2011-01-01T05:48:00.003+08:00

We are just running away and hiding from our problems, aren't we.
There's never gonna be a closure.
That's 2010 in simple words.

Always the one who has the shorter end of the 2 sticks,
Always clinging onto every hope that I can think of.
Always the one lagging behind when everyone else have moved on
That's me in simple words.

2011-01-01T05:20:00.000+08:00

Your lights were off.

2010-12-31T00:19:00.001+08:00

PISCES - The Addict
EXTREMELY adorable. Intelligent. Loves to joke. Very Good sense of humor.Energetic. Predict future. GREAT kisser. Always get what they want. Attractive. Easy going. Loves being in long relationship. Talkative.Romantic. Caring.Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizes dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

2010-12-30T22:27:00.002+08:00

i kind of like the feeling of getting high, forgetting all my troubles and worries.
forgetting the fact that i have a 15 page report to complete due on the 3rd of january.

oh, i just developed a new theory to add into my collection of unproven but almost true theories.

2010-12-28T04:28:00.001+08:00

It aches every single night.
Kill me please.

2010-12-28T04:09:00.003+08:00

Guess I don't matter anymore. I do not hold any importance, I'm that insignificant. I might as well hide away and live like this for the rest of my life.
My private space, my sanctuary where my thoughts have a resting place. If not for this blog, I would never have the courage to live life without looking back. I'm that fragile, and people fail to see that. I'm filled with insecurities, eating me up every single day.
I wish Im heartless. It's no use, trying to be a nice guy.
Goodnight life.

2010-12-24T04:06:00.000+08:00

im so stupid, so very stupid. for you. :'(

2010-12-23T15:34:00.002+08:00

[Jamie Foxx - Verse 1:]
Can I, can I save you from you
cause you know there’s something missing
and that champagne you’ve been sippin’s
not supposed to make you different all the time
it’s starting to feel like the wrong thing to do girl
cause with all that recognition it gets hard for you to listen
to the things that I must say to make you mine
But live girl, have some fun girl, we’ll be fine
trying to convince myself I’ve found one
making the mistake I never learned from

I swear I always fall for your type, yeah (for your type)
tell me why I always fall for your type (for your type)

I just can’t explain this shit at all (fall for your type)
I just can’t explain this shit at all (fall for your type)

(I believe in people like you)

[Jamie Foxx - Verse 2:]
So who am I to judge you on the past, girl
I think there’s a reason for it all
you say that you’re nothing like the last girl
I just pray that you don’t let me down right now
it’s too late, I’m already yours
you just gotta promise me, hearts won’t break
and end up like before

I swear I always fall for your type, yeah (for your type)
tell me why I always fall for your type (for your type)

[Drake:]
Look, dress hanging off your shoulder, barely sober
telling me how you moving away and starting over
girl, quit playing you just drunk, you just saying shit
oh you dance, dance like how, like ballet and shit
oh, wait, no, I get it girl, I’m with it
I’ve been down this road before and yeah I skidded but forget it
damn, yeah, I wonder why I never why I learned my lesson
it’s feeling like the second chance and its the first impression
and I heard it’s nothing new except for someone new
but how you supposed to find the one when anyone will come with you
talking to myself but I never listen,
cuz man it’s been a while, and I swear that this ones different
that’s why I’mma take you anywhere you wanna go
let you meet my friends so they can lecture me again about
how reckless I have been
and I’m slowly running out of all the time that I invest in
making all the same mistakes
and I’m just trying to correct it and I fall...

[Jamie Foxx:]
I swear I always fall for your type, for your type
tell me why I always fall for your type, for your type

I just can’t explain this shit at all (fall for your type)
I just can’t explain this shit at all (fall for your type)

(I believe in people like you)

2010-12-23T05:12:00.002+08:00

Fighting a war.
Everything's going to be fine, like how it used to be.
You just made this heart colder than it was before.
Fuck it. I'm sick of what I've become. For you.

2010-12-22T02:01:00.000+08:00

maybe its not a good idea to send her off afterall.

2010-12-21T19:27:00.001+08:00

2010-12-21T19:18:00.000+08:00

2010-12-19T17:04:00.002+08:00

take me back to how we used to be, i'll never close my eyes again.

how could i ever forget a place like this, somewhere that i can call my own.

lucy taylor from Kele

2010-12-16T02:30:00.002+08:00

wake up, boy.

concentrate on your studies, and only studies you will concentrate.

voidness is not emptiness

2010-12-14T12:10:00.001+08:00

waiting for a miracle

2010-12-12T15:50:00.002+08:00

but you won't do the same.

2010-12-10T16:14:00.001+08:00

i hate how i feel now.

i should stop my nonsense.

because nonsense is unappreciated.

2010-12-08T19:52:00.002+08:00

as much as we aren't meant for each other, we're meant for this together.

you're everything important but i don't feel the same from you, it sucks to feel that way cos anyone could take over my place. sometimes i want to just stop everything even if it eats my heart, because i'm not a priority. why would anyone want to stay when they are being overshadowed by someone else.

looks like i'm that blinded to stay.

hee, love iron & wine!

2010-12-06T01:57:00.002+08:00

PAMELA HENG SZE KERN, LAST WARNING UH!

heh,xoxo!

2010-12-05T08:59:00.000+08:00

You stupid girl. What are we supposed to do now? xoxo

2010-11-27T23:12:00.001+08:00

some asshole stole my iphone. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH my favourite thing on earth. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY am i so unluckyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

im going crazyyyyyyyyy over everyfuckingthing. PAMELAAAAAAAA UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

2010-11-26T05:57:00.001+08:00

Btw, if you're reading this Pamela. This is god's magical way of telling you his plan to call or text me already. Stupid you. Okay I'm just expcting too much again -.- damn

2010-11-26T05:03:00.005+08:00

hi good wee hours of the morning to you, blog that vacuums all the shit that i have been feeling for the past years.

internship is almost over, 1 more week left and i'll be like everyone else going to school like a normal school kid. been quite sick lately and took like 2 days MC to excuse myself from cheap labour internship, thus explaining this really freaking late night/early morning blog entry that is being written right now.

am i gonna be barney tan? i swear my life will never be peaceful and emptiness will linger till i die. every day will be a crazy emotional roller coaster, i will never know whats truly meant for me. but what is barney tan? does everyone has a barney in them? have i watched too much How I Met Your Mother that im not making any sense anymore? or are 7 fucking different types of medicine screwing my brain up?

why am i writing this fucking blog entry? you see, alex tan guanghui is a guy who expects things his way, i mean everyone expects but i like to expect way too much for my peabrain.

so in this case, im expecting you to read. olive, jolene, pamela.

olive, i see things between dion and you are going pretty well. when dion ask me if its alright for him to date you, it really gave me a big surprise. as what i said, i have always loved you and dion. just dont attend any of the brotherhood gatherings in future, please.

jolene, im going to see you for the whole of saturday and sunday. that really sucks because you're fucking lesbian now (according to sources) and your fucking butchmate will be there too. its not that i hate you or what. but the whole me you and it thing is pure brutality to me. and i really hate those kind of awkwardness. blahhhhh.

pamela, i have no clue what to say to you. you're on my mind 37% of the time. thats a pretty good percentage. yeap, lets see what god has in plan for us. oh and i have alot of love hate feelings for you. if i were to solve this shiat, this is gonna tougher than any math/science question i ever know cos basically its the whole boyfriend issue. so yeah, god show me what you have planned for me with your magical ways

How I Met Your Mother keep having me ponder what my future wife is gonna be like and it will be really cool to tell my kids how i met their mother.

alright, i feel a lil better after typing a huge load of shit in here. i have a bigger worry on what to spend on with my saved up pay from internship. its always laptop>clothes but somehow clothes always manage to win in the end. IS A LAPTOP REALLY THAT LESS PRACTICAL THAN CLOTHES, HAIYA HEADACHEEE.

okay song to accompany future reading.

2010-11-21T23:49:00.000+08:00

my throat is killing me. bitch.

2010-11-09T12:03:00.002+08:00

What is wrong with me? I don't know me anymore. I dont know what I want anymore. You're a drug, you confuses me and got me addicted to I don't even know what. I won't deny it that i tried to leave you. It's just that everytime it fails. And your reason for wanting me back is kind of ridiculous. I don't want to be your "I don't know why" or your half baked answers. I want to be an assurance. Your assurance. I'm not that kind of guy who can take bullshit straight in my face. Haiya I don't know what I'm saying la. Shut up Alex.

2010-10-31T23:11:00.000+08:00

omgggg, you're giving me a nervous breakdown. my heart's gonna stop beating for you.

2010-10-31T19:41:00.004+08:00

i had an enlightenment just now.

the feeling i had when i tried to hold olive's hand, even walking close to her would make me stutter and got lost for words. that kind of lovestruck feel.

the feeling i had when i cuddled up with jolene when my face was next to hers, when we would tickle each other all day long. we always knew what's on each other's mind and she would take care of me when im sick, TLC me up just because we knew how we think. sadly, that exact same reason broke us up.

those feelings, they are like benchmarks or rather indicators. they tell me when that girl is right for me or not. the dick is always a problem, since that right one hasnt come yet, that leaves me some time to tame that fucking tiger.

the main point is that i stopped having those feelings for a real long time, i really need to stop fooling around and set my directions right. or else, i will fall and sink in deeper and deeper. i must know what i want, and not what i can have. i must do the right thing all the time. only i know, whats right.

cheers!

2010-05-24T00:51:00.007+08:00

i want to hate you for breaking my heart, not appreciating my feelings for you, not treating me better etc. i want to bar you from my life.

i cant, i really cant do it, BUT I HAVE TO ASAP. i must stop my feelings for you.

god, now i have to go through all the mind torturing experiences of going to places that reminds me of you and seeing things that reminds me of you. i have to go through all these until it has no effect on me or else i know i haven't get over you yet. it sucks because i dont want to. you force me to! i dont wanna stay all vulnerable to you, open to any future hurt that can be inflicted by you.

fuck the strepsil box you gave me with a little note on it. fuck the penguin clip you gave me, i dont need it anymore. fuck the sweater i gave to you, the only one of its kind.

you know what, you wanna be friends when im ready right?
when im ready to accept you as friend, i will ask you this simple question.
where is my sweater? if you answered i lost it/i threw it away, I TELL YOU AH, that is the end of everything. it may sound fucking childish, immature but i attach feelings to things and actions. it may not mean anything to you, but it means a hell lot to me.

ohh you'll probably read all these posts i have cos you know i have a blog, but... oh wait, since when you start paying attention to things about me. you selfish being. so mad at you right now in a non violent way, of course hahaha. alright, this will be the last post about you. in future, there might be posts of me struggling to get over you, but dont worry i will only get stronger after it :)

2010-05-22T13:06:00.002+08:00

My heart is heavy
Heavy like a rock
But I am so amused
You’re still in my thoughts

This time its done
It’ll never feel the same
But we had some good times
Guess it’s sad just the same

I guess the truth
Doesn't matter somehow
But you were living proof of what love is about

2010-05-21T02:30:00.001+08:00

i can really wait like a bloody fool for you. i cant believe it myself too. I HATE WAITING FOR PEOPLE, cant even tutor a kid with patience YET i find myself doing this.

oh, and fucking using the phone ALMOST ALL THE TIME WITH YOU'RE WITH ME. omg la, respect, courtesy and consideration, WELL AT LEAST, MANNERS. not that nice if people do it on you right?

2010-05-18T22:46:00.001+08:00

i have to stop expecting so much from you, its very taxing for us.

i really really just want to have fun with you when we are out.

omggggg alex ah, STOP BEING SO ANAL. WALAO.

2010-05-17T02:21:00.003+08:00

you made me really happy when we were playing iSketch.net just now.

you drew a heart and wrote " Gruff & me are very _____."

and i got the missing word right.

it's loving.

i love you :)

2010-05-12T23:17:00.000+08:00

lepaking session with ian and shawn! (Y)